One of the few people that have impacted my life thus far
would be my Secondary School Vice-Principal (VP), Mdm Koh.
Mdm Koh have done more than what is required from her.
Typically, a VP would just need to stay in her office to ensure that everything
in the school is in the way it should be. She can just delegate the works to
the teacher and let them report back to her.
However, she can always be seen around the school doing her staffs,
visiting the classes to ensure that we students engage ourselves meaningfully
in our lessons.
She also teaches us folk’s songs during the assemblies as
she believes that through these songs, we would be able to learn values from
it. I like how sporting she is by just picking up the microphone and sing for
us. An example of the song would be “You Raise Me Up” by the Secret Garden Duo.
Personally I feel that this song is very meaningful especially the line, “You
raise me up… To more than I can be.” From this line, it never fails to remind
me that I should always be grateful for everyone that have contributed and
brought me to where I am today.
During the year of my “O” Levels, Mdm Koh is no longer like
a VP to us. She’s more like our mother in the school. She will always show
concerns to the students, knowing almost everyone’s weaknesses and she be there
for us whenever we need a listening ear. She can be at home resting or
somewhere enjoying her after work life but she chose to stay behind in school
till late at night to guide us in our work. She will form smaller groups after
school to help us with our English essays by going through the questions with
us. Obviously this is out of her job scope and it doesn’t give her any extra
monetary benefits for doing so. Her selfless act had served as a motivation for
me to do well from then on.
Ultimately I got a B3 for my English in “O” Levels, I will
not say that it is a very good grade but I feel that it is a huge improvement
from my usual borderline case. Although I will not discredit all my English
teachers, I will say that Mdm Koh is the one that motivated me as I doesn’t
want to disappoint her despite her putting so much effort in helping my friends
and I. From then on, I’m more interested towards learning as I doesn’t want to
disappoint anyone that had faith in me that I’ll do well.
In addition, I feel that learning English doesn’t just stop
here, it should be something that should be done continuously. English had
never lose its importance in my life. Today, I still need a certain standard of
English to engage with my peers and for academic works. I believe that when I join
the workforce in the future, I’ll definitely bring all these valuables
knowledge from school and apply it whenever possible.
You Raise Me Up by Secret Garden
1. The structuring and paragraphing of the writing was very clear and concise, starting from introduction to body to conclusion and finally reflections.
ReplyDelete2. The reflection writing has achieved its purpose whereby a lesson was reflected on, showing what was learned and how a person can applied it in the future for self improvement.
The use of body paragraphs is good, with each paragraph having a main idea.
ReplyDeleteThe flow of writing is very smooth throughout, with the respective connectors being used appropriately
This is the address of my blog. http://hermanchannus.blogspot.sg
ReplyDeleteYou have provided good examples and supporting evidence to show the characteristics of Mdm Koh and how she encourages you to learn English. The ideas of the reflection are well-structured and your ideas flow.
ReplyDeleteWei Jie,
ReplyDeleteWonderful job! Please see my comments below:
Content: I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. Your reflection of Mad Koh and the song has obviously had very strong impact on your current thinking.
The statement 'You raise me up… To more than I can be.' is certainly deep and meaningful, and you showed very clearly how this has affected your attitude and thinking.
I could feel the sincerity in your reflection. This is not easy to do! Well done!
Organisation: Indeed a very logical piece of reflection. It flowed nicely from description of the VP and the song, then how they have jointly impacted on you.
Language:
1. Use of relative clause markers: Look at the use of 'that' in this sentence:
You correctly joined this sentence together with 'that', but 'that' is used for objects. Consider using 'who' in these sentences:
i. One of the few people 'that' have impacted my life thus far would be my Secondary School Vice-Principal (VP), Mdm Koh.
ii. I should always be grateful for everyone that have contributed and brought me to where I am today.
2. Subject-Verb Agreement:
i. Should it be 'have' or 'has' in 'Mdm Koh have done'?
3. Use of pronouns:
Mdm Koh have done more than what is required from her. Typically, a VP would just need to stay in her office to ensure that everything in the school is in the way it should be. She can just delegate the works to the teacher and let them report back to her. However, she can always be seen around the school doing her staffs, visiting the classes to ensure that we students engage ourselves meaningfully in our lessons.
In this paragraph, you described the role of any VP with the statement 'typically, a VP would...' . You did not specifically refer to Mdm Koh, so you should not use him/her or he/she.
It is rather clumsy to use to gender pronouns because you have to use both genders (e.g. s/he or him/her). Do you know how you may avoid this problem?
You may consider: Typically, VPs would just need to stay in THEIR office to ensure that everything in the school is in the way it should be. They can just delegate the works to the teacher and let them report back to them.
4. Think about the use of tenses in these two paragraphs below:
i. She also teaches us folk’s songs during the assemblies as she believes that through these songs, we would be able to learn values from it. I like how sporting she is by just picking up the microphone and sing for us. An example of the song would be “You Raise Me Up” by the Secret Garden Duo. Personally I feel that this song is very meaningful especially the line, “You raise me up… To more than I can be.” From this line, it never fails to remind me that I should always be grateful for everyone that have contributed and brought me to where I am today.
ii. During the year of my “O” Levels, Mdm Koh is no longer like a VP to us. She’s more like our mother in the school. She will always show concerns to the students, knowing almost everyone’s weaknesses and she be there for us whenever we need a listening ear. She can be at home resting or somewhere enjoying her after work life but she chose to stay behind in school till late at night to guide us in our work. She will form smaller groups after school to help us with our English essays by going through the questions with us. Obviously this is out of her job scope and it doesn’t give her any extra monetary benefits for doing so. Her selfless act had served as a motivation for me to do well from then on.
In paragraph i, you referred to what she taught you at a PAST time (i.e. when you were in secondary school). So, you should consider using past tense.
In paragraph ii, you described what she is to you now (at present). Therefore, you correctly used present tense.
Blogging buddies: Indeed, your comments were valid. This is a very meaningful piece of writing.
ReplyDelete